Grace my Feet and Faith my Eyes

I am sitting in the “chemo suite” receiving my fourth chemo treatment today (that will be 2 rounds down!).  I have been great as far as blood counts go and have been able to receive treatments on schedule.  I will get a PET scan done a week from Friday which will tell us if there is still enough cancer hanging around to require radiation.  Our prayer is that the scan will be clean, radiation won’t be necessary, and that I can continue on with chemo. I never thought I would be praying FOR chemo.  But, studies are beginning to show that the long term effects of radiation are a bigger negative than the effects of more chemo.  So, here we are, praying for chemo.

My side effects have been mild in my own estimation when I hear others experiences and what it could be like thought I know it is cumulative and could get much worse. For now it is not worse though so we can be thankful for that.  It has primarily been tiredness and some mild nausea. I have also had hot flashes, mouth sores, and a metallic taste in my mouth. All pretty typical side effects. My hair is very short and a bit patchy but not all the way gone.  The last I wrote I was nervous about the side effects of the white blood cell booster and, praise the Lord, I have not had any achy bones. The doctor said if I didn’t experience it the first time around I will likely not experience it at all. So forward we go.

The little ones continue to be oblivious to the bump in the road that our family is working through. Thanks to generous people in our lives, the lives of the kids have been able to continue on as normal and they don’t seem to be aware that mommy is sick.  Mae is now 9 months old. We are still tweaking her sleep schedule and trying to find a way to get her to wake less during the night. We haven’t had a 12 hour stretch yet but I think we are getting close. What a relief that will be when we can all get a full night’s sleep! We are almost through that first year mountain that some mommy's love but I really hate. Give me a toddler any day (maybe I won't be saying the same thing when I've got 2 of them)!

“Keep 'em coming these lines on the road, and keep me responsible be it a light or heavy load. Keep me guessing with these blessings in disguise, and I’ll walk with grace my feet and faith my eyes.” – Caedmon’s Call – Faith My Eyes

These lyrics come from a song by the band Caedmon’s Call (it is Christian music with minimal cheese, is that possible?). It is a beautiful song that I have come back to again and again at different points in my life as a motivator and reminder of where to fix my eyes when things get rocky (though it should be ALL the time). It is about how tough it is being far away from your physical home, family, friends and familiarity.  When I went through my short Peace Corps stint as well as my first year of law school in Philadelphia I found it very meaningful in the literal sense.  However, now I am also finding it applicable in the figurative sense of being in a new place in life and feeling “far away” from the familiarity of my “normal” self. The last part has become a mantra of sorts, “I’ll walk with grace my feet and faith my eyes.”  Perhaps you will find it meaningful too.

We Are THANKFUL for:

•  Summer! Sometimes it is just the small pleasures that bring the most joy. Being able to enjoy things outside has been one of those small pleasures for us. 
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• Reconciled Relationships. Through this journey thus far we have had the opportunity to reconnect with several people in our lives with whom our relationship had fizzled over time. We are thankful that God is using this situation as an opportunity to reconnect.
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• Friends and Family. Always, always, always. Old friends and new friends. Family close by and family far away. We are receiving so much love.